*TURN OFF YOUR LIGHTS*

(And give yourself a severe case of eyestrain)

(The future isn't what it used to be....)

"CARD CAPTOR SCIENCE THEATER 3000" (SEASON ONE FINALE)

EPISODE 10: IS IT REALITY OR JUST A TRICK?

(A Sailor Moon MSTing)

MSTed From the Desk of Card Captor Schlueter (aka Syaoran-kun)

This is a MSTing of a work of fiction created by another author.

Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for entertainment

purposes only; no infringement on the original copyrights or

trademarks held by Best Brains, Inc. is intended or should be inferred.

“Card Captor Sakura” is a trademark of CLAMP and those who distribute it.

“Sailor Moon” is the property of Naoko Takeuchi and its many corporate connections.

“Is It Reality Or Just A Trick” is the property of Dr. Thinker he's welcome to it. I do not intend to offend him for making fun of his work like this but I figure it's only a matter of time before someone does. Think of this as another form of C&C. ;)

(Cue "Card Captor Science Theater 3000 Love Theme" in 5....4....3....)

It's the not-too-distant future,

Last sunday BC

There was this girl named Sakura

Quite different from you or me

She captured Clow Cards with her friends

All seen through Tomoyo’s camera lens

They tried to save the human race,

But Eriol lost his patience

So he shot them into space!!!!

Sakura: (Hoeeee……)

Syaoran and Tomoyo: (Now what?)

We'll send them crappy fanfics

The worst we can find  (lalala)

They'll have to sit and read them all and we'll monitor their minds  (lalala)

Now keep in mind they can't control

When the fanfics begin or end  (lalala)

Because, let’s face it, after all

Eriol’s not really their friend;

CARD CAPTOR ROLL CALL:

Meiling:

'Why me?’

Tomoyo:

'Smile!'

Syaoran:

'I hate my life.'

KEROOOOOOO!!!

'It’s not my fault!'

If you're wondering how they eat and breathe

And other science facts  (lalala)

Then repeat to yourself

*It's just a MiST*

You should really just relax

For Card Captor Science Theater 3000!!!

THE SATELLITE OF LOVE

12:50 Hours

“Oh no!!!” Kero shouted. “This can’t be happening!! Where is it?!!” The sun guardian and full time yellow plushie searched frantically.

“What the hell are you looking for anyway?” asked Meiling. She was trying to get some work done and Kero was driving her insane..

“The Clow card I created for this week’s exchange!” replied a panic-stricken Kero. “I think it’s escaped on me!”

“So? You created it. Just call it back.”

“Uh… I can’t…” Kero said sheepishly.

“Why not?” asked Meiling.

“Um… I gave it a moon alignment. It’s under Yue’s control.”

“Why would you do that?”

“Because I knew Sakura wouldn’t want me to have control over this particular card.” Kero said.

“Why? What card is it?”

There was a long silence.

“Kero…?”

Further silence.

“KERO!!! Earth to Mr. Plushie!!”

“It’s… The rmphrmph card.”

“The what?”

“The Hentai card…” Kero said quietly.

Another long pause.

“You demented little twerp.” Meiling growled.

DEEP 13

The evil Dr. Eriol Hiiragazawa emerged from the shadows and stood over the prone injured figure below him. A sphere of magical energy formed in his hand and cast a cold glow across his emotionless face.

“No! Please! Leave me alone!!!” screamed Eriol’s victim.

“I’ve grown tired of this, Potter.” Eriol said coldly. “I’m sick of everyone calling me your clone. I was around long before you. I’m stronger, smarter and better than you. But you get all the attention. Now the time has come to put an end to your meddling in my existence.”

“No!!! It’s not my fault! Blame Rawlings, not me!!”

Eriol hurled the energy sphere at him. The poor sap was blasted a few feet. He stumbled to his feet. “And you call yourself a sorceror. You pathetic fool!!”

“Nooooo!!!!” the figure screamed in a tone reminiscent of Spinel Sun dealing with one of Ruby Moon’s glucose oriented pranks. “Stay away!!! Your Eeeeeevil!!!!!!”

“Damn straight, goggle-face! I’m Clow Reed!!! The most powerful sorcerer in the world!!” Eriol laughed maniacally.

“Um… Technically, aren’t you only half of Clow Reed?”

“Bite me, four eyes.” Eriol replied flatly before hurling another energy sphere at his target and blasting him off his feet. A small glimmer of light appeared before Eriol and took the form of a Clow card. “Normally, I’d take my time and beat you to death with my staff. But that’s too messy as well as time and energy consuming. Plus, Ruby Moon gets bitchy when I make messes out of hostages. So long, Harry Potter! If I can’t send you to hell, I’ll bring hell to you!! Firey card!!” The glowing Clow card came to life and took on its true form.

Harry Potter scrambled to his feet and started to run.

“You can run, but you can’t hide.” Eriol said with another maniacal laugh. He raised his staff to signal the card. The Firey responded by gathering long trails of flame into one large fireball. “From hell’s cold heart, I stab at thee!” Eriol shouted. The Firey launched its attack. There was a brief scream before the literary sorcerer was incinerated by the blast. Eriol once again let out a round of maniacal laughter.

It was about then that his assistant, TV’s Ruby Moon entered the room. “Frying Harry Potter again?” she asked.

“Why should those goofs on the satellite be the only ones to enjoy Holocabana technology?” Eriol replied. “Did you get the fanfic I asked for?”

“Yeah. It’s a Salior Moon fic by Dr. Thinker,” Ruby Moon replied. “Pretty long one too.”

“Eeeexcellent…” said Eriol in his best Mr. Burns impression.

THE HOLOCABANA

Sakura, dressed in the very close fitting uniform of Dr. Aki Ross, wandered through the gloomy darkened hangar area, scanning for phantoms with one of those handy eye scanners that left both hands free for the user to carry a gun the size of a St. Bernard.

“This is not good,” she said. Tomoyo, as always, was taping the whole thing. Sakura looked around for signs of phantoms.

Suddenly, they started appearing by the dozen. They loomed up from the ground and started marching zombie-like towards them.

“This is definitely not good.” Sakura said flatly. Just then, the phantoms started disappearing. Sakura looked to see what was going on and noticed Syaoran slapping ofudas on the phantoms. The phantoms would screech and then disappear.

“What are you doing?” Tomoyo asked.

“Basic precept of Shintoism.” Syaoran explained. “Using spirit wards for exorcisms. I could’ve saved Max Von Sydow a lot of trouble in ‘The Exorcist’.”

“I don’t think your ofudas are the same thing as Shinto spirit wards, Li-kun.” Sakura replied with one eyebrow raised. “And if they’re so effective, why do you have that huge gun.”

“I added in some more personal targets to shoot at.” Syaoran replied. Just then, new beings started to emerge from the floor. Beings that looked a lot like Eriol Hiiragazawa. “Hi! I’m Eriol!” one of them squeaked.

Syaoran raised his weapon. “Chew on this, four eyes!!” he shouted as he opened fire on the Eriol clones.

Sakura and Tomoyo sweatdropped. “He needs some time off.” Tomoyo said. Sakura nodded in reply.

Suddenly, Meiling’s voice came over the intercom. “Sorry, to interrupt your playtime, guys, but Ernst Stavro Blofeld is calling again.”

The three of them let out a collective sigh. “Magic Voice, save program and end.” Tomoyo ordered.

“You guys go ahead,” said Sakura. “I’ll be there in a minute. I just want a chance to change into something a little more circulation friendly.”

“All right,” said Tomoyo “But don’t be too long. You know how Dr. H get when he’s kept waiting.”

As Syaoran and Tomoyo left the Holocabana a dark form was sneaking up behind Sakura.

And it wasn’t a phantom.

THE SATELLITE OF LOVE

“What am I going to do?” whimpered Kero. He sat sulking atop a large foot locker in a small corner of the satellite.“Sakura’s going to be so mad. And Yue won’t be awake for another three hours. I’m in so much trouble.” He got to his feet and flew off. As he took off, he accidentally kicked open the latch on the foot locker.

A moment later, several pairs of tiny hands lifted the lid of the foot locker and several pairs of large eyes stared out.

“Hayaaaan!!” came a collective squeaky cheer as the plushies hefted the lid open and started piling out in droves.

DEEP 13

“I hate waiting, you know.” Eriol grumbled.

“Oh, cram it.” Ruby Moon replied. “You just want to go back to blasting Harry Potter’s ass all over the place.”

Eriol let out an evil chuckle. “Don’t get him started again.” chided TV’s Spinel Sun.

Just then, the viewscreen came to life with an image of Syaoran, Tomoyo, Meiling and Kero. “About time!” Eriol growled. "Say, where’s your fearless leader?”

“She’s…” Tomoyo began.

“I’m right here!” came Sakura’s cheerful voice.

Syaoran couldn’t help but notice that she was still wearing the Aki Ross uniform. “I thought you were going to change out of that outfit.”

Sakura responded by draping her arms around Syaoran in a very suggestive way. “Why? Don’t you think I look good in this outfit?” she asked, her eyes growng soft.

Syaoran blushed. “Um… Ahh… That is…” Syaoran’s head was starting to look like a tomato.

“Oh, knock it off! Both of you!” growled Eriol. “Now I presume your Clow card is ready.”

THE SATELLITE OF LOVE

“It was Kero’s job this week.” Sakura replied snuggling even closer to Syaoran causing the Chinese boy to almost pass out.

“Well, Cerberus?” Eriol asked.

“Umm… You see… I kinda… lost it…” Kero said in a very small voice.

“That figures.” Spinel Sun muttered.

“Bite me, kitty litter!” Kero growled.

“Would you all shut up?!” Eriol was really starting to lose it. “Since you don’t have a Clow card we’ll put off the exchange and move right to the experiment.”

DEEP 13

“This week’s feature comes to us from the notorious Dr. Thinker, a writer who has distinguished himself by writing dozens of fics that no one understands.” Eriol began, an evil grin forming once again. “This is his latest ‘Sailor Moon’ fic. ‘Is It Reality Or Just A Trick?’ and it uses the wonderfully overdone concepts of Sailor Earth and resurrecting dead villains. Good luck figuring any of the rest of it out.” Eriol paused for an evil laugh. “Send ‘em the fanfic, Ruby Moon. I have a pint sized sorceror to fry.”

With that Eriol strode brisky away and off to his own holocabana. Ruby Moon sighed and fed the fanfic into the computer.

THE SATELLITE OF LOVE

“Great. A Thinkerfic. Just what I never wanted.” Kero grumbled. He was also starting to get very concerned about Sakura’s sudden passionate interest in Syaoran.

Suddenly alarms and sirens rang out.

“OHHHH, WE'VE GOT FANFIC SIGN!!!” Sakura cried out.

(Door 6: It slides open on both sides..)

(Door 5: It's made of beads. They explode out towards you, and you

move on..)

(Door 4: It falls toward you, missing your foot by inches.)

(Door 3: It's a castle gate, that rises into the ceiling..)

(Door 2: It’s made of mirrors. You risk the seven years bad luck and shatter them with a hammer.)

(Door 1: It splits in four ways, twice.)

(Door .7: A beam of golden light erupts from the floor. You walk into it.)

Sakura, Syaoran, Tomoyo and Kero-Chan emerged from the light. The three take their seats in the theater while Kero-Chan floats overhead.

>"It is Reallity or Just A Trick?"

Sakura: Trick or treat?

Syaoran: Sounds like a David Copperfield special.

>A Sailor Moon Fan-Fiction
>by Dr. Thinker

Kero:<whispering>He’s thinking.

Sakura: Cute.

>Note 1: Inner Scouts names are owned by DiC, Inc. Outer Sailor Scouts names are owned by CWI, Inc.

Tomoyo: Naoko Takeuchi must’ve sold off her shares.

>Ellis Vargas/Sailor Earth is owned by me.

Kero:<Dr. Thinker> Deal with it, gentle reader.

Sakura:<singing> She is the one named Sailor Earth…

Syaoran: Sailor Earth. I wonder how many billion times that’s been done.

>Note 2: E-mail me at winkstwo@sssnet.com

Kero: Wink, wink!

Syaoran: Cram it, plushie.

>###########################################################################>######

Sakura: Numbers, numbers everywhere!

>Nacy Vargas, a Japanese photograher who was used by the Nega-Verse, but save by Sailor Moon and
>her Sailor Scouts

Tomoyo: Nacy Vargas?

Sakura: I don’t remember that episode.

Syaoran: Doesn’t matter if you miss one. They’re all the same anyway.

Kero: Tell that to the hordes of Sailor Moon fans out there.

All:<Hordes Of SM Fans>Save Our Sailors!!

>That made her younger sister, Ellis decided on created, " The Sailor Scouter", a Internet web page to
>fans of the heros of the Sailor Scouts, warriors that protected the world from the evil.

Sakura: A webpage dedicated to the heroes of the senshi?

Syaoran: Great. A whole page devoted to penguin boy.

Tomoyo:<Usagi>Mamo-chan! You have your own web page now!

>She lived in the city of Japan,

All:<sniggers>

Kero: The city of Japan?

Tomoyo:<Madison Taylor> Puh-lease!

Syaoran: And I thought Tokyo was a big city.

>in the Jubban Section, nicknamed "Crossroads".

Tomoyo: We’ve arrived at a Crossroads, guys.

>She saw fouree e--mails.

Sakura: Over fouree days and fouree nights.

>The first two was the usually junk e-mails hogging up the bandwith.

Tomoyo: Bandwith?

Kero: Who cares?

>The second one was her e-newspaper of world newss. She check on on it.

Sakura: Yep. Still there.

>It was unusal quiet in the world.

Syaoran: A little TOO quiet…

>The third was a" Ebay" seller e-mail about a strange stick they founded on the sidewalk,

Sakura: Well, at least the idea wasn’t unfounded.

>it's seems to be a Sailor Scout stick, according to them,

Sakura: Oh, those Sailors are playing with their sticks again.

>but the person didn't figure out the words for it.

Syaoran: Namely because that person was Dr. Thinker.

>But it's seems to had tan stick with a strange circe cut into 1/2.

Kero: Um… What?

>Ellie had on the bid. Ellie know the bidder from a few Saffon posters. It come on the same day at the e-mail.

Tomoyo: Okay, I’m lost.

>She hear the sound of man knocking on her door.

Kero: Knock, Knock!

Tomoyo:<Ellie> Who’s there?

>"Hello, Mrs. Vargas." stated a uniform man.

Syaoran:<Uniform man> You’ve been drafted.

Kero:<Uniform man> I’m here to deliver your new sailor fuku. Try not to get it fried again.

Sakura: I love a man in uniform.

>"Sure." replied Ellis. She tooked the paper off the clipboard and sign it, then return the paper to the clipboard. She >turned and pick up the box. She thanked the man. Then she slamed the door.

Tomoyo: Ouch!

Kero:<Uniform man>YOU BROKE MY NOSE!!!

><What's is so sercet about this? Could it be that she's working on a new Fan-Fiction based on my girlfriend's friends.>,
>wondered the man.

Tomoyo: Huh?

Sakura: The UPS guy has connections in big name anime, I guess.

Syaoran: So… The senshi know people write fanfics about them?

Kero:<Usagi> “Usagi’s Usual Morning”? What the…

Sakura: Kero…

>###############################

Sakura:<Recorded Message> At the sound of the tone, please press the number sign.

>Meanwhile, just four roads down from Ellis's house, was another house.

Syaoran: Nothing like stating the obvious.

>This house contain the usual people that you might find a early 50's sitcom:

All:<singing>The Brady Bunch! The Brady Bunch! That’s how they all became the Brady Bunch!

Tomoyo:<Usagi a la Jan Brady>Minako is all I ever hear about! Mina! Mina! Mina!

>a mother, a father, a brother and his older sister, thought in Sammy's case, it's use been
>younger sister traped in a older sister's body.

Kero: Um…

Syaoran: Oh, God! It’s “Like Father, Like Son” in disguise!!

Tomoyo: I don’t think anyone remembers that movie anymore, Li-kun.

Syaoran: Lucky them.

>"What's he still doing here?" asked Serena. "I thought it was a school day?"

Sakura: So why are you still at home?

Tomoyo:<Serena> If I show up I fail, if I don’t I fail. Besides, I’m going to be Queen of this miserable rock soon and then I’ll show them!!

>"Dipstick. It's Saturday." replied Sammy. "Raye called. They were going to see the new Pokemon Movie
>today. I know Mina is hook on idoils

Kero: She should go to “Idoils Annonymous”.

Syaoran: Whatever idoils are.

Tomoyo: Thinkerism #146: Idoils-1) Idols who collect doilies. 2) Doilies that look like idols. 3) A new kind of box spring.

>and Ash Ketchum is one of them. But I wonder what's Amy is going to do with it."

Kero: My head hurts…

Tomoyo: What does Amy have to do with any of this?

Sakura: Search me.

>"I'm didn't the miss the first one!. I'm not going to miss one!" Serena said as she put on a Pokemon T-shirt and a blue >jeans.

Syaoran: Jeez… Sailor Moon with product placement…

>Then Serena run out the door like Ash after a Pokemon

Sakura and Syaoran:<singing> Catch You. Catch Me.

Tomoyo: I’m sensing a trend here.

Kero: Any more Pokemon references and this could qualify as a crossover.

Sakura: <Serena> Moon tiara! I choose you!

>########################################################
>
>As the Pokemon movie ended.

Kero: Ebert and Roeper cast their votes…

Syaoran:<Roger Ebert> What the hell was that?

Sakura:<Richard Roeper>Three words: This. Movie. Bites.

>Serena turned to Amy. Amy had keep her Mercury computer, a labtop that could make
>Bill Gates and Steve Job look a pair of rookie Nega-Monsters.

Syaoran:<Bill Gates> Yeah. Well, I’m the one with twenty billion dollars, so bite me, Amy.

>"Why were you trying to do?" asked Serea.

Sakura:<Amy> Wouldn’t you like to know?

Sakura: What?

>"I was wonder why Pokemon is sooooo popular?" ask Amy.

Kero: It’s the hype. In a couple of months no one will remember it

Tomoyo:<Madison Taylor> Pokemon? That is like, so last week.

>The rest of the teenagers fall onto the follow

Sakura: They should watch their step.

>"As one of American commerical for Kellog's 'Applejack' cereal says. 'You don't ask, we don't ask?' " replied Mina.

Syaoran: When did Dr. T become such a corporate shill?

Sakura: Maybe his fics aren’t getting much funding anymore.

>"That's first, she got a saying right." replied Lita.
>"Me...getting a saying right. That's one in million?" ask Mina.

Kero: Mina must be a real ditz.

Syaoran: She’s in good company then.

Tomoyo: Ouch.

>As they exit, they saw a delivery man enter the building. He was carrying a huge box.

Sakura: That UPS guy gets around.

>"Hey! Isn't that Darrien?" ask Raye.
>"Hi, Darrien!" shouted Serena.

Syaoran: That figures.

>"Hello, Meatball head." replied Darrien.

Tomoyo:<Raye>That’s my line, tux boy! Back off!

>"I meet you guys later. I had a lot of work to do."
>"Sure thing, Honey Muffin" stated Serena.

All:<sniggers>

Kero: Honey muffin?

Syaoran:<Darien>Whatever you say, nummykins.

>Amy, Lita, Raye and Mina cover their mouth to laugh.

Kero: Whoa! “Stolen” flashback!

Sakura: God help us all.

>###################################################################
>
>Back at Ellis house, she was still thinking about the Sailor Scouts. They had all planets expect on one.

Tomoyo: I don’t think Ellis is on the same planet as the rest of us.

>Some of her friends think Sailor Moon's savior, Tudexo Mask, is the person that responding Earth in their line-up. Other >think that Sailor Moon is accidently Sailor Earth, but uses Moon to confuse people.

Syaoran: Sort of how Dr. T uses fanfics to confuse us.

>Ellis laughs that those stupied theroies.

Sakura:<Ellis>BWA HA HA! I spit on your worthless theories!

>Tan is kind of light brown.

Kero: Thanks for sharing.

Syaoran: What does that have to do with the story?

Sakura: Search me.

>Brown could be the color of the Earth, even with pollutain making a statement,

Kero: Too bad that statement didn’t make any sense.

>that should be that rumored Sailor Saturn's color, black..

Sakura: Sailor Saturn is just a rumor?

Tomoyo:<Hotaru>Oh, sure. Bite me, Dr. T.

>"EARTH PLANET POWER!"

Sakura: SAKURA BLOSSOM POWER!

Tomoyo: TOMOYO BLOSSOM POWER!

Kero: Oh, bite me.

>Ellis was sorruced by a ground of strange rock.

All: HUH?

>She fells like she's was on roller coasters, and that was one of things that she hated, but she didn't throw up,

Kero: Well, that’s better than me. HUUUURGHHH!!!

Sakura: Kero…

>because she couldn't open her mouth.

All: Oh… Okay.

Tomoyo:<Madison Taylor> Whatever.

>Ellis thought that was the way to prevent screw-ups in the transformation.

Kero: Can she figure out a way to prevent screw-ups in spelling and grammar?

Sakura: Yeah. We see a lot of that.

>The rock merged with her body forming white tights, tan skirt, two tan sneakers.

Syaoran: As opposed to one tan sneaker?

Sakura: Sneakers? Are they cutting back the wardrobe budget?

Tomoyo:<Ellis> Have you tried running in heels? Forget it, guys.

>Two white gloves with tan borders cover her hands.

Kero: As opposed to her feet.

>She fliped over like panacke,

Kero:<Homer Simpson>Mmmm… Pancakes…

>as a rock hit her face melting

Sakura: Ouch!

Syaoran: That had to hurt.

>into a golden taira with a strange jewel that look like it been maked out of four different rocks.

Kero:<singing> One O’ Clock, Two O’ Clock, Three O’ Clock, ROCK!!

>She looked at the mirror. The stick was suprizing Sailor Earth's transformation pens.

Kero: That’s surprisin’ all right!

>She turned to mirror to see that four jewels was a combine of famous mimeruals

Syaoran: Mimeruals?

Tomoyo: Thinkerism #284: Mimeruals-1) Rural areas occupied by mimes. 2) Mimed motions for roman numerals. 3) Super mimes!

>of jadiete, nephrite, zoyitice and malachite.

Sakura: Sounds familiar.

>She wonder who to get out.

Tomoyo:<Ellis> GET OUT, DAMN YOU!!

>She tooked off her Sailor Scout uniformation,

Sakura: Thinkerism #385: Uniformation-1) The formation of uniforms. 2) A single formation. 3) Gibberish.

>as it been taked off piece by piece,

Kero: Whoo-hoo! Take it off, baby!!

Sakura: Kero…

>it dissappears and on comes her normal casual clothing.

Syaoran: That’s quite a trick when you consider that it probably covers more than her Sailor outfit.

><Hmmmm. I wonder if I can figure out my powers.

Sakura: Not if Dr. T writing the explanation.

Kero:<Dr. Thinker> I’d like to see you do better, Cherry Girl! Bite me!

>I know a location. No ones goes to at this time.

Tomoyo: But after five it’s packed, so I better move!

>The forrest behind the graveyard which Preist Thomas Dove takes care.

Sakura: Dove? Good name for a priest.

>That's just perfect for learing my powers.> Ellis thought herslelf

Sakura: The only leering around here is done by Kero.

Kero: Hey!

>as she stick the Sailor Transformation Pen in her pocket.

Kero: Where else would she stick it?

Sakura: Kero…

Kero: Heheheh…

>######################################################################

>It was a very cloudy afternoon. Priest Thomas Dove was leaving the graveyard gate.

Tomoyo: I don’t mean to be technical but shouldn’t that be Father Thomas Dove.

Kero:<Dr. Thinker> How the hell would I know? I’m not Catholic.

>"Hello, Ellis." he stated.
>
>"How did you know?" asked Ellis.

Kero:<Thomas Dove>I’m psychic!

>"Your dark brown hair give you away." replied Thomas.

Kero:<Ellis’ Hair>Take my Ellis! Please!

Tomoyo: Cute… Don’t you think so, Sakura? Sakura?

Tomoyo: What’s going on here?!

TO BE CONTINUED…

PART TWO:

DEEP 13

“What the hell is going on here?!!!” grumbled the evil Dr. Eriol Hiiragazawa as he stormed away from his private holocabana. “Jay and Silent Bob must be asleep at the switch again.”

“There’s been a security breach on the Satellite!” shouted TV’s Spinel Sun trying to get his voice to project over the sounds of the sirens.

“Get those morons on the line!!” Eriol shouted. The veins in his forehead were starting to pulse again.

THE SATELLITE OF LOVE

Tomoyo and Kero exited the theater with their hands over their ears. Meanwhile, the plushies had formed a marching band and were parading through the corridors led by a Sakura plushie with a baton.

“Guys, we’ve got serious problems!” Meiling shouted to them. “Dr. H is on the line and he wants to know what’s going on! Plus, we’ve got plushies running loose all over the ship!” She pauseh to nab a Tomoyo plushie that was messing with one of the control consoles.

“This is very bad.” Kero said flatly.

Syaoran Li slowly opened his eyes. The gentle sunlight streamed in through his bedroom window and…

Wait a sec… There was no sunlight in space and his quarters on the satellite didn’t even have a window!

Syaoran sat bolt upright in bed, confused as hell. He looked around. He was back in his bedroom. In his apartment. In Tomoeda. On Earth! How could this be?

Was it all… a dream?

“Great…” he mumbled to himself. “I’m trapped in the oldest plot gimmick in the book.”

“Morning, dear.” His thoughts were suddenly interrupted as he turned to see Sakura , with a toothbrush in her mouth and wearing her pajamas. The top two buttons had been left undone giving Syaoran a distracting view of her cleavage.

“Huh?” he said.

DEEP 13

“Your Clow card was called what?!” Dr. Eriol had just heard Kero’s explanation of what happened.

Naturally, he was not happy.

“Don’t make me repeat it…” Kero whined. This was truly embarrassing.

“You little twerp!!” Tomoyo yelled as she tried to strangle Kero. “You’ve turned my best friend into a deranged nymphomaniac! You’ve trapped us all in the plot of a Kit Spooner fic!!”

“The Seduction Of Syaoran?” Ruby Moon mused aloud and then shuddered.

“I’m going to rip your stuffed head from your shoulders!!” Tomoyo yelled.

“Zip it, Mariemeia!’ Dr. Eriol shouted. Tomoyo reluctantly let go of Kero’s neck. The blue-faced plushie collapsed on the control panel.

“Now listen, Cerberus,” Eriol continued. “You’d better fix this and fast. If anything happens to Sakura I’m going to fork you over to Touya to take the blame.”

“T-Touya?!” Kero stammered.

“Now move!!” Eriol cut the link dead. “Why do these things always happen to me?” Eriol grumbled as he stalked off.

THE SATELLITE OF LOVE

“So, now what?” asked Meiling, who was trying to ignore the Tomoyo plushie that had climbed up on her shoulder.

“We have to find them as soon as possible!” said Tomoyo.

“We’d better get Yue first.” said Kero.

“But, where could they be?” asked Meiling.

Syaoran was feeling very confused to say the least. Of course, at the moment he was just trying to maintain consciousness. Sakura was sitting on his lap cuddling up very, very close.

“Umm…” he began.

“Something wrong, dear?” Sakura asked.

“Ummm…” Syaoran said, elaborating on his earlier point.

“I think I know of something that will relax you.” Sakura said seductively.

“Hold it!!” The holocabana doors opened and Tomoyo and Meiling stormed in with the weapons from the “Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within” program. They were promptly followed by Kero and Yue.

“Are you planning to shoot her?” asked Yue.

“Of course not.” said Tomoyo. “It’s purely for flair and dramatic effect.”

“Unfortunately…” Meiling mumbled under her breath.

Sakura climbed off Syaoran’s lap and faced the intruders. “Bwa ha ha! You fools!” she growled in a voice not unlike Linda Blair’s in ‘The Exorcist’. “You can’t stop me! I’m the guardian of the hell!!!”

“Arghhhh!! It’s absorbed all her memories of the bad fanfics we read!” Kero shrieked.

“You will obey me! I am GOR!!!”

Yue just rolled his eyes. “Clow card. Return.” he said in his usual flat tone.

The card turned into blue waves of energy that left Sakura’s body and reformed as a Clow card in Yue’s hand. Sakura fainted and was caught by a still very confused Syaoran.

“You always make things more difficult than they need to be.” Yue said as he walked off.

Tomoyo, Meiling and Kero sweatdropped.

“Um… Could someone explain what just happened?” asked Syaoran.

When Sakura came too, she was more than a little upset with Kero.

“But, I didn’t know it would escape!” Kero whined in his defence.

“You should never have made it in the first place.” Sakura said firmly. “My punishment stands. No pudding for two weeks.”

“Nooooooo!!!!” Kero whimpered. “I’ll die! I’ll waste away!”

Sakura, Tomoyo and Meiling sweatdropped. Syaoran still looked confused.

Suddenly alarms and sirens rang out.

“OHHHH, WE'VE GOT FANFIC SIGN!!!” Sakura cried out.

(Door 6: It slides open on both sides..)

(Door 5: It's made of beads. They explode out towards you, and you

move on..)

(Door 4: It falls toward you, missing your foot by inches.)

(Door 3: It's a castle gate, that rises into the ceiling..)

(Door 2: It’s made of mirrors. You risk the seven years bad luck and shatter them with a hammer.)

(Door 1: It splits in four ways, twice.)

(Door .7: A beam of golden light erupts from the floor. You walk into it.)

Sakura, Syaoran, Tomoyo and Kero-Chan emerged from the light. The three take their seats in the theater while Kero-Chan floats overhead.

Syaoran: Okay, guys. Let’s review.

Tomoyo: Ellis Vargas is Sailor Earth. Apparently she got these powers by buying them on E-Bay.

Kero: You can buy anything there these days.

Sakura: Meanwhile, the existing Sailors are spending their time plugging “Pokemon” and Darien works for UPS.

Syaoran: Ellis transformed into Sailor Earth so she could change back.

Kero: And now she’s at a graveyard planning to train or something.

Sakura: At least, that’s what we think is going on. You can never be sure with a Thinkerfic.

>"Can I go into the forrest by the way of your graveyard?" asked Ellis.

Syaoran:<Thomas Dove> Depends. Can I go to the store by way of your house?

>"Sure, just make sure you don't knock down any tombstones. You might get on god's bad side." replied Thomas.

Kero:<Thomas Dove>Watch it or he’ll fry your ass with a lightning bolt.

Sakura: Kero…

Tomoyo:<Lita>Hey! Lightning is my shtick! Get your own, God!

All: ZAP!!!

Tomoyo:<Lita> Uhh… Never mind.

>"Thank you." replied Ellis, as she bow.

Kero: While boys gazed at her stern.

Sakura: Kero…

><Keep this up, I might up with a broken back.>

Sakura: Ummm…

Syaoran: Yeah. Bowing is a leading cause of back injuries.

Tomoyo: We lose so many actors that way.

>#########################################################################

Sakura: Another day. Another line of number signs.

Syaoran:<Clint Eastwood> Your number is up, punk!

>Ellis found a strange masion very deep in the forrest..

Kero: Maybe it’s Maison Ikkoku.

Sakura: Leave Rumiko Takahashi out of this.

>It's seems to be a strange house.

Tomoyo:<singing>With two bodies in the yard! Death used to be so hard!

Kero: Maybe it’s a set from “American McGee’s Alice”.

Sakura:<Luna a la Cheshire Cat>When is a Moon Scepter like a billy club?

>It's was like Steven King house of poor old rich name who's in trouble.

Kero: The name is in trouble?

Syaoran: I don’t remember that Stephen King novel.

Sakura: Maybe he means the hotel from ‘The Shining’.

Kero:<Jack Nicholson>Heeeeeere’s Johnny!

>Ellis found pictures of strange people, three people,

Tomoyo:<Ellis>Dr. Eriol…? TV’s Ruby Moon…? TV’s Spinel Sun…? What the…?!

Sakura: Cute, Tomoyo-Chan.

Kero:<Ellis> Who are Hikaru, Umi and Fuu?

>Ellis noted one of these pictures as of Raye Hino. Ellis "She goes to same school as me.. .

Kero:<Ellis> And she is such a stuck up bi-

Sakura: KERO!

>The other pictures was was a blonde ponytailed girl and a blue-hair girl, he next pictures of close-up

>of Sailor Mercury, Sailor Moon, and Sailor Mars.

Syaoran: What is this? “The Bone Collector”? “Kiss The Girls”? What’s with all the pictures?

>They were few books.

Sakura: Must be illiterate.

>After that they was words above: FAILED TO GET ENERGY FROM THESE HUMANS.

Tomoyo:<Ellis> This thing weighs a ton! It’s the size of “War and Peace”!

>One of was Kate Standers, a famous Tennis star.

Syaoran: Who was recently clobbered by Monica Seles.

Kero: Since when do you follow women’s tennis, brat? Hmmm…?

Syaoran: Don’t insinuate anything on me, plushie. You’re the one with the perverted doujinshi magazines.

Sakura: And what do you know about those?

Syaoran:<Sgt. Schultz> I know nothing! Nothing!

>Ellis watched her bet everybody esle in last year Tennis, winnering the Tennis Cup for this year.

Tomoyo:<Madison Taylor> Whatever.

Syaoran: Speaking of bets, I lay 5:1 odds that not a single sentence to come will be any good.

Kero: Forget it. That’s a fool’s bet.

>The next picture was old guy that looks like to Fairview Park's caretaker.

Kero: Or Jack Palance.

Sakura:<Amy a la Billy Crystal> So… Kill anyone today?

Syaoran:<Jack Palance> Day’s not over yet.

>The next picture was of a old friend Peter, which she noted with a bad attidutite about a stupid

>mistake in a maganize.

Tomoyo: Attidutite? Is that another one of Beryl’s generals?

Sakura: There seem to be a lot of pictures in this fic.

Kero: If this is a Super S fic, maybe they were taken with a “Fish Eye” lens. Hee, hee hee...

Kero: OW!

>"I can't belive those magazines are so stupid that place Peter, that landscape camara
>boy in my school, where he went to Greenton Private School For Boys", she growled.

Sakura:<Ellis> I’m so mad I can’t say anything coherent.

>The next picture was of a wedding grown dressed adult.

Kero: A grown dressed adult. How dull.

>The following picture seems to Mika Cassidy, a famous pre-teen doll maker.

Sakura: And little sister of Butch Cassidy.

Syaoran:<Sundance Kid>Are you crazy? The fall will probably kill you.

Tomoyo:<Mika Casssidy>What about the spring?

Kero: BA-DA-BING!

>The next picture was of two students that worked on part of the Sailor V.

Tomoyo: Minako’s personal assistants?

Kero: What part of her did they work on?

Sakura: Kero…

>Both of them going past her school, they were Laurie and Cassie.

Syaoran: Or was it Laurel and Hardy? I always get those mixed up.

Tomoyo:<Cassie> Well, this is another fine mess you’ve gotten me into.

>She loved "Sailor V" movie, but wonder if "Sailor Moon" movie, they are planning on, was going to knock the >"Pokemon" movie out of the minds of the humans.

Kero: If that doesn’t work, try a shovel.

>She laughed at that thought.

Sakura:<Ellis>BWA HA HA HA!!! Beating it out of the heads of humans! I kill me!

>One picture was a brown-hair girl with a bow in. was below a sign that
>had the words: "SUCCESS STEALING ENERGY FROM THESE HUMANS"

Tomoyo: Not a good ratio.

>"What kind of sicko does these things?" Ellis asked to herself.

Kero:<Tom Green>Hey! I resent that!

Syaoran: Jump off a cliff, Tom.

>"Nega-Verse generals." replied a voice.

Sakura:<Ellis> Oh, ri--- HUH?!

Tomoyo:<Ellis> Oh, Shi---

>"Who are you?" ask Ellis.

Kero: I’m BATMAN!

>"Tell me, humaniod.

All:<giggles>

Tomoyo: Thinkerism #154: Humaniod-1) Ionized humans. 2) Ions in humans. 3) Search us.

>What you get when you cross Voltron with a ghost?" replied the voice.
>
>"A Spectron?" asked Ellis.

Syaoran:<Voice>No! A Positron! Nyuk, nyuk!

Kero: BA-DUMP CHING!

Sakura:<Ellis> Thank you! You’ve been a great crowd! We’ll be here all week!

Syaoran:<Voice> And don’t forget to tip your servers!

>"A lucky guess. My name is Stara." stated the voice. A red light blinded Ellis for a few mintunes.

Sakura:<Ellis> Hey! Could you turn that thing down!

Tomoyo: Thinkerism #322: Mintune: 1) A minute long piece of music. 2) Music with a minty taste.

>Stara was a female Spectron, she had a hourglass figure with a long red dress,

Kero: Stara light, Stara bright. First Stara I see tonight. I wish I may, I wish I might, get Stara out of that dress tonight.

Sakura: Kero…

>top by a hat that if that was a normal human female would had been top by feather, but instead it had a small couple >of stars."

Syaoran: Ummm….

Kero: Hats off to Dr. T, master of incoherence!

>"EARTH PLANET POWER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" stated Ellis. After finish up transformation,
>she found out that Star was looking at her shockingly.

Sakura:<Stara> Jeez. Who left the live wires exposed?

>"I thought was only Moon, Mercury, Mars and Mr. Half-Mask." remarked Stara.

Syaoran: Where the hell have you been for the last two million episodes?

Sakura:<Stara>Is Nixon still president?

>Stara tossed a few stars like ninjas toss shrikens.

Tomoyo: Thinkerism #987: Shrikens-1) Miniature clones of Shrek. 2) Shrieking Kens. 3) Shirking Kens.

>"EARTH...................." Ellis stated.

Sakura:<Ellis> A large ball orbiting the sun. This is the voyage of humanity and lots of dramatic pauses.

>She found leaves floating around.

Tomoyo:<Ellis> Who left the windows open?

>"LEAVES".

Kero: …much to be desired. But what can we expect from Dr. T?

>Hmmmmmmm...

Sakura:<Ellis a la Joel Hodgson>What would MacGyver do?

>the Leaves are telling me that they are sharp as a Bulbsaur attack.

Syaoran: The leaves watch “Pokemon”.

Tomoyo: You get the feeling that Dr. T has some sort of contract that requires him to add “Pokemon” into his fics?

Sakura:<Lita>Ha Ha! My thunder attacks are worthy of Pikachu!

>RAZORIZE!" The leaf make homing line for Stara. Stara hollowed at the leaf hit her right in the middle of her chest.

Kero:<Stara> Eeeew! There are leaves in my cleavage!

Sakura: Kero…

>Ellis was star as Stara was turned.

Kero: Today, on “As The Stara Turns”…

>A small door open. Inside was a strange star chart contain stars and planets are every shape and sizes.

Sakura:<Ellis>Huh? When did we get an observatory in this town?

>They was a small stone chair. On it was small leather bound book. She opened to the last page.

Tomoyo:<Ellis> I just want to know how the story turns out.

>"I think that human girl, Molly holds the Sliver Imperium Crystral. I might sure that it's the case, but I'm get kind of fear >of Zoyitice that might kill me. I try to get it tonight, but that means facing Queen Beryl's punishment when I return to >the Nega-Verse, if I don't get it, but I do. The Nega-Verse will be soooooooooo please, I might be come the right hand >man of the Queen Beryl! Signed Nephrite."

Syaoran: Jeez… We really are turning back the clock aren’t we?

>Sailor Earth did something that she NEVER expect.

Kero: Oh, REALLY?

Sakura: Kero…

>She threw up.

Tomoyo:<Ellis> Ugh… What awful writing… I think I’m gonna… HURGHHHH…

>She walked past the next few rooms. They kind of normal roon of human house.,bedrooms, bathrooms, and closets. In >the last room, a strange room that kind of remind of a vortex or wormhole.

Tomoyo:<Ellis> Hmmm… Bedroom… Master Bath… Closet… Gate to hell… Nothing unusual here.

>She found a small strange item. It looked it was fish tank with bubbles in. She tooked off her gloves off and put her >hands in the water. She tooked them out after a few mintunes, and find out they were not a drop of water in the tank

Sakura:<Ellis> I knew I had warm hands, but WOW!

>"What's going on?" ask Sailor Earth. She put on her gloves and put them. It's seems that she can had a strange item.

Syaoran: Strange item is right.

Tomoyo:<Ellis>Tea from hikaru shidou?

>"EARTH........" she stated as strange energy floating around her....."ENERGY....................RETURN............."
>
>A light show dazzled Ellis's eyes as it hit the bubble. The strange bubble was forming into a tall
>brown hair man with a gray uniform. His eye was black as coal.

All: It’s Frosty!!

Syaoran: Does he have a carrot nose?

>"A Sailor Scout? In my masion. I think times are changing.." stated him.

Syaoran:<Bob Dylan singing> Well, the times, they are a changin’!

Tomoyo: Very cool, Li-kun.

Sakura: Sing “Dignity” next!

>"I'm Nephrite. Who are you?" ask the Nephrite

Sakura: Oh, the Nephrite.

Syaoran:<Nephrite> I’m the guardian of the hell.

>"I'm Sailor Earth." replied Ellis.

Tomoyo:<Ellis> Ask me again and I’ll tell you to bite me.

>"Strange........the only Sailor Scouts, I know are Sailor Moon, Sailor Mercury and Sailor Mars." stated Nephrite. "Plus >Tudexo Mask."

Sakura: Tudexo?

Kero: Also known as Tux-boy, Penguin-boy, Cape-boy and Mr. Happy Pants!

Sakura: Kero…

>"Things changes. Sailor Jutiper, Sailor Venus, Sailor Neptune, Sailor Uranus, Sailor Pluto
>and Sailor Saturn all appeared according to rumors." replied Ellis.

Sakura: Oh, come on. The only confirmed senshi are Mars and Mercury?

Tomoyo:<Minako> Ahem, I was around long before any of them. WHY AM I STILL A RUMOR?!!

>###################################################################
>
>Nephrite and Ellis return to the Star Chart room. Nephrite picked up a spare Star Crystral.

Syaoran: Which he just happened to have.

>"POWERS OF HOMER,

All: D’oh!!

Sakura: I think we all saw that one coming.

>THE STAR OF STORYTELLERS. TELL ME WHAT HAD HAPPEN TO MY E ENEMIES WHILE IN JANUS' TRAP!"

Kero: Oh, God!! It the million episode flashback!

>Ellis and Nephrite learned about Zoyitice being picked by Queen Beryl in the screach for the Rainbow
>Crystral. The appear of Sailor Venus. The Crystral forming and Sailor Moon been revealed as the Moon Princess,
>and Tudexo Mask as the Earth Prince.

Syaoran: Yeah. None of us saw that coming.

Sakura: Easy on the sarcasm, Li-kun.

>The death of Kunzite, the drestory Queen Beryl and the Nega-Force. His revenged plan arrived in the form of the Doom >Tree, accidently returning the Sailor Scout back to battle. The Racy battle.

Kero: Every Sailor battle is racy.

Sakura: Kero…

>Serena's "Moon Crystral" power. The Doom Tree healing. And Soul of Prince Darrien returning to Darrien's body.l. The >appear of Reeny and the Nega-Moon. The appear of Sailor Pluto and the defeat of the Wiseman. The appear of >Karinite, the appear of Sailor Neptune and Uanus.

Syaoran: Oh. C’mon, Dr. T. We all know this stuff.

Tomoyo: Two words: Move. On.

>Sailor Moon goes "Moon Cosmic Power",,

Sakura: And then she says, “Bang! You’re dead!”

>as well as appear of the Bearu of Bad Bahivor,

Sakura: The what of what?

Kero: I think he means ‘The Bureau Of Bad Behavior’. You know, Dr. Tomoe and Co. in the dub.

Tomoyo:<Mimette>I should’ve known better than to join a company with a name like that. No wonder I’m dead.

Sakura:<Eudial>Bite me, four eyes!

>the Talisman, and the Purity Charlie ,

All:<giggles>

Syaoran: Enter the Street Fighter.

Kero:<Charlie> I’m soooo pure! Yes, indeedy!

>the appear of the Scout of Drestution, Sailor Saturn

Sakura:<Hotaru>You think I’m destructive? Look at the damage your fics have done, Dr. T.

>and the death of Master Paroh 90. Sailor Earth's first transformation, and of course, her defeating Stara.

Syaoran: So I guess the Amazon Trio haven’t appeared yet.

Kero: Nah. They’re behind their bar waiting for their cue.

Sakura:<FishEye>There’s got to be something better to do than getting sloshed until we sound like hikaru shidou characters…<hic>

Tomoyo:<Misato>Pash me another beer.

Sakura:<FishEye> Hey! How’d you get in here?!

Kero: You know there are people who will swear that FishEye is a guy.

Sakura: Maybe she’s genderless.

Tomoyo: A blue haired Ruby Moon?

Syaoran: I wish people wouldn’t tell me these things.

Kero:<Dr. Eriol> Push the button, FishEye.

>"Ouch. Stara was to guard against those Sailor Scouts to prevent them find my headquaters is at while I was still >working for the Nega-Verse, but since it's history, I left it slide off." replied Neprhite. Well, I had a idea? Can you heal >me?"

Kero:<Nephrite>I have this awful foot fungus…

Tomoyo: Eeew…

Sakura:<Ellis>What do I look like? A TV evangelist?

>"I can't, but I think Crystral can do that." replied Ellis.

Syaoran: Who’s Crystral?

Sakura: Search me.

>"Hmmmmm. Mars and Jutiper are tough guys,

Tomoyo:<Raye>Yo!

Sakura:<Lita>Fogedd about it.

Kero: New on HBO! The Sailorpranos!

>so they won't let me in. I don't know about Venus and Mercury. Moon on the other one
>might be just to be one who wants TO FORGET AND FORGIVE" stated Nephrite.

Sakura: Jeez… No need to shout.

>"Well, I heard rumors they cried at your first death." replied Ellis.

Tomoyo:<Ellis> But after the fifth time you croaked for sympathy they stopped caring.

Sakura: Oh my God! They killed Nephrite!

Syaoran: You bastards!

>"Hmmmmmm. That could be a point of me to get on their good size." replied Nephrite.

Kero:<Nephrite> Namely, medium.

Sakura: Cute. Real cute.

>###########################################################################>###

Kero: Have you noticed there’s no explanation of how Nephrite was reincarnated?

Sakura: Maybe he’s a clone?

Syaoran: Nephrite provided by Gendo Ikari and the good people at NERV.

Tomoyo:<Rei Ayanami> It’s not all it’s cracked up to be.

>After sending a few monsters thought the universe, they talked to other Spectrons that epected the drestution of the
>Negaverse. According to a Spectron that was hidden in a rival game machine at Crown Acarde Center. They talk about
>that Sailor Meetings take place at Cherry Hill Temple, where the Sailor Scouts meeting up with each other most often.

Sakura: So… Ellis teamed up with Nephrite?

Tomoyo:<Ellis>Undead enemy general, huh? Well, I think I can trust him.

Kero:<Nephrite>Garghh… I… crave… flesh….

Syaoran: Knock it off, George Romero.

>It was kind of late afternoon on Sunday. Sounds of laughing combine of stars. Serena, Amy, Raye, Mina and
>Lita were laughing at something.

Syaoran: Maybe Serena is reading Raye’s old comics again.

Sakura:<Serena>Ha HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA! That is SOOOOO funny!!

Tomoyo:<Raye>What is it?

Sakura:<Serena>This ‘Card Captor Science Theater 3000’ thing I found… hee hee hee…

Kero: Nothing like a little blatant self-promotion.

>It turned to a bard know to the world as Chad Icon, a soft rocker, who's songs seems to be lower
>then the TOP 50s.

Sakura: No offense. But not making the Top 50 isn’t that bad.

Syaoran:<Chad>Why? Why didn’t I join N’SYNC when I had the chance?!

>"Hey! Serena. I got something to show you. Come to this address." stated Ellis.

Kero: Nya ha ha!

Syaoran: Cram it, perv.

>"But that's address of Nancy Vargas?" replied Serena.

Tomoyo: So Serena knows where everyone in Tokyo lives?

>"I'm her younger sister, Ellis Vargas." remarked Ellis.
>
>"When?" replied Amy.

Kero:<Ellis>Since I was born, dumbass.

>"Today 8:00 PM." replied Ellis.

Tomoyo:<Serena> But I’ll miss ‘Whose Line Is It Anyway?’…

>"We be there." replied Lita.
>
>"What's up?" ask Mina.
>
>"Only the Mother Nature knows, and she's isn't talking." laughed Ellis, has she leaves.

Sakura:<Ellis> I kill me.

Syaoran: We wish.

>"What's Mother Nature?" asked Serena.
>
>"She a Eupore myth that controls the weather." replied Raye.

Tomoyo: Thinkerism #524: Eupore-1) European pores. 2) European pore cleanser.

>##########################################################
>
>Ellis was look at the time. It was 9:00. Nephrite using one of his old Earth spells that shape-shifter
>himself into a small bird. The bird was in a cage.

Syaoran:<Nephrite> I am but a bird in a gilded cage.

>She hear noise of of Amy, Raye, Mina, and Serena coming in.

Sakura:<Ellis> What a racket!

Tomoyo:<Kate Standers> Thanks! I just got it!

Kero: BA-DUMP! CHING!

>"So what's sercet, Mrs. Nature is hiding from us?" ask Serena replied.
>
>Ellis shouted. "EARTH PLANET POWER!!!!!!!!!!!!" When Ellis finished her tranformation. She was staring at
>five shocked faces. Serena was the first to recover.

Sakura:<Serena>God! Not another one.

>"At least, this makes all the planet in this solar sytems, Sailor Scouts." replied Serena.

Kero: Yeah. Now all we have to do is wait for the senshi representing every bloody moon and rock in space to appear.

>"How did you know that?" ask Raye. "You told me that you flunked your last science test."
>
>"That was on the human body. That one before that was about planets." remarked Lita.
>
>"She should know about space. She's has nothing in between thoses ears of her." replied Raye.

Sakura: Ouch!

Kero: The role of Raye will now be played by Don Rickles.

Tomoyo:<Raye> Is that your head or is your neck throwing up?

>"RAYE! THAT WAS MEAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" cried Serena. It was so loud that Ellis had to cover her ear.

Sakura: Ellis does a great Van Gogh impersonation.

>"How much do they fight like 5 year-olds?" asked Ellis.
>
>"All the time", stated a small black cat, with a cresent moon, on the lap of Amy.

Kero: Gee… Who could that be?

>"That cat talked." replied Ellis. "So you must be either Artemis or Luna."

Syaoran: Or Diana.

Sakura: Not until the Super S arc, Li-kun.

Kero: The fact that we know so much about Sailor Moon is kinda disturbing.

>"I'm Luna. The one on the Mina's lap is Artemis." replied Luna.

Sakura: Don’t even try it, Kero.

Kero: Awww…

>"Hello." stated Artemis.

Sakura: Artemis isn’t much of a talker, I guess.

>"I just remember a old battle, but I might to sure about things." replied Luna. "It's was before
>Guardians become part of the Nega-Verse, but I forget when it took place, but I know where, it was on Moon.”

Tomoyo: Uh, why is Luna bringing this up now?

>"I think I can help." stated bird.
>
>"Who's the bird?" ask Artemis,

Kero:<Artemis> She’s one cute bird, baby.

Sakura:<Luna>Shut your bloody trap, Austin Powers!

>The bird goes thought a transformation, when it was finished. There were serious faces on four of
>the Sailor Scouts

Syaoran: Serena was still laughing her brains out.

Tomoyo:<Serena> Hee, hee, hee… This tea is really good. I gotta remember to thank hikaru shidou for it.

Sakura: Could we please stop picking on hikaru shidou?

>"Nephrite!" shouted Mars. "This could be a trick!"

Syaoran:<Nephrite> Next I’ll pull a rabbit out of my hat! And presto!

Sakura:<Usagi> How’d I get in this hat?

Kero: Cute. Real cute.

Tomoyo: When did Raye transform?

>"Or it could be reality." replied Lita.

Syaoran: Hence the title.

>"It's a long story." replied Ellis.

Sakura: We know. We’ve been sitting through it.

>This started an argument about the stick. Raye, Aretmis and Lita thought it coud
>be trick, while Mina and Amy thought it's unlogical, could be the truth.. Luna and Serena
>was undecided on things.

Kero: And we in the audience remain clueless.

>"STARS SHOW WHAT HAPPEN AT THE E ROYAL MOON CASTLE on DATE: JUN. 30.in the PY 990." Nephrite
>shouted.

Sakura: It’s two blocks west of the D Royal Moon Castle.

>#############################################################
>
>When the five Scout come two starting at Princess Serena, and her mother, Queen Senity, in the court
>was around them.

Kero: They’re in court?

Syaoran: Arghh!! Judge Brainitite returns!!

>"We got problems if Lady Beryl becomes Sailor Earth, she's going to remove Jupiter from the Inners, and put in her >back in the Outers. But I think Princess Ellis, is good." stated Princess Raye.

Sakura: They’re interviewing for a Sailor Earth?

Tomoyo: Can you make long dramatic speeches and strike poses? Okay, you’re in.

>"Nay, Lady Zoyitice is better." replied Princess Amy.

Sakura: Lady Zoicite?

Tomoyo: The purists will have a field day.

>"Well, I think Raye is right." replied Princess Mina.
>
>"I pick who either Princess Serenity picks." stated Princess Lita.
>
>"Well, I'm going to just wait and see what devolop." replied Princess Serena.

Sakura:<Serena> The photo lab said they’d be ready in an hour.

>"Well that is a smart choice." replied Queen Serenity.
>
>"Hey, Ames! Get out your computer and type what the Princess just said. She just created a new saying." replied >Princess Amara from behind.

Kero: Yeah. And what a saying it is too.

>Unlike the present day Amara version, she had very long hair, and was wearing a long orange dress.
>

>"Sailor Uranus? What you doing here?" asked Princess Raye.

Kero: Wait a sec. Uranus has long hair and a dress. But… That would make her look like a girl!!

Tomoyo: No! Say it ain’t so!

>"I'm going to cheer Prncess Ellis to victory. I heard rumors that she is kind and sweet, and we make
>a good leader. So we at least have peace with the Earth Kindgom, thought the peace might so come
>from Prince Darrien marrige to you in the future.." stated Amara.

Sakura: When did Amara become so weird and dreamy?

Kero: I don’t wanna know.

>Princcess Hotaru enters with Princess Michelle. Raye and Amara turn to face Hotaru. Both of them look at her like
>she worst then Nega-Force, Death Phantom, and Mistress 9 combined.

Syaoran: Of course, this is a flashback and they haven’t met any of these enemies yet.

Tomoyo: I thought it was only Hotaru’s alter ego was evil.

>"My weapon at home.." replied Princess Hotaru.

Tomoyo:<Hotaru> Can I borrow one of yours? I feel the need to bludgeon someone.

>"You are weclome to be here." replied Princess Serenity. "Even know your are the Doomn Senshi,

Syaoran:<dramatic>Indiana Moon and the Senshi Of Doom!!

Kero: The Doom Senshi? That’s better than Sailor Saturn, boy.

Tomoyo:<Hotaru> Gee, thanks. But aren’t we forgetting who the doom senshi is here? I’ll do whatever the hell I want, bunny girl.

>Sailor Saturn. Why is Beryl doing this. Her mother original from your planet?"
>
>"I can't had a clue, your highness." stated Hotaru.

Kero: You’re in good company then, kid.

>"Her mother keep to herself, so I expect Beryl to the same."
>
>From the other side, other three Earth Prince's Gaurdains, Nephrite, Malachite, and Jadiete were guarding Prince >Darrien and his mother, Queen Gaiga.
>
>"Huh?" stated Nephrite. "The stars is keeping things sercet."
>
>"I making sure you don't infere with the battle, Nephrize."

Sakura: Bless you.

Syaoran: Somone get the Kleenex.

>stated a dark-green hair Sailor Seshi.
>
>"I just want for know own knowedgele." stated Nephrite. "And Pluto, remember that only Lady Zoyitice is allow
>to call me be NEPHRIZE."

Kero: Must be allergy season.

>"Oooo. I'm feel like I'm in a love triginale." stated Malachite.

Kero:<Malachite> Yeah, baby!

Sakura: Kero…

>"He's comes Zoyitice." stated Nephrite. "Who's going to care that spanky girl."

Kero: Whoo-hoo!!

Sakura: Hey, Hef! Zip it!

>"SPANKYY GIRL? NEPHRIZE, you MUST be THINKISH of your girlfriend back on Earth, Lady Molly." stated Zoyiticie.

Tomoyo: None too coherently either.

Kero: Uh… Lady Molly won’t be born for another few centuries.

Syaoran: Talk about robbing the cradle.

>#################################################
>
>"So what Zoyitice, Beryl and Ells are goin to had a three-way battle in the past?" asked Lita.

Kero: Are we still in a flashback?

Sakura: Not a clue.

>"Yep." replied Nephrite. "With out magic."
>
>###################################################################

<Suddenly, there’s a screechy grinding sound and the fic disappears.>

Sakura: Hey! What’s going on?!

Tomoyo: Must be a paper jam. Give it a second.

Kero: Looks like we’ve missed the rest of the flashback.

Syaoran: Who cares? Nothing in this fic has made sense so far.

> ####################################################################
>
>Luna shocked everbody by saying the following line: "That's was the reason for the party at the same time
>those Shadow Warriors attacked. You see at midnight, Sailor Earth was going to be coming. But at 11' o' clock the
>Nega-Force attacked."

Sakura: I guess Beryl is a sore loser.

>"Just of make sure you taking the truth, do you mind a Crystral healing?" asked Serena.

Kero: What? No polygraph?

>"MOON COSMIC POWER!"

Syaoran: Insert standard transformation sequence here.

>A flash of light, stands Sailor Moon looking at Nephrite. She opens up her locket, and inside as usual was the Sliver
>Imperium Crystral. "MOOOOON CRYSTRAL HEALING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" she states. A flash of light hits Nephrite, as he was >healed by the magic. When the light was finished, Nephrite was sharp green uniform.

Kero:<Nephrite>Not bad. But have you got anything in a nice tweed?

>"Authur?" asked Ellis

Tomoyo: Authur?

Sakura: Maybe he means author.

Syaoran: So Nephrite is actually Dr. Thinker?!

Kero: The plot thickens.

>"As in King Authur? That's sounds good." replied Nephrite.

Sakura: King Arthur?

Syaoran: So who’s Lancelot? Jadeite?

Tomoyo: Somehow I have a hard time picturing Nephrite being voiced by Sean Connery.

Kero:<Nephrite>You expect me to talk, Serena?

Sakura:<Serena> No, Mr. Nephrite, I expect you to DIE! Bwa ha ha!

>"A new scout...and healed gereneal, what's is better then a two for one deal." stated Raye.

Tomoyo:<Raye> Not unlike the one now on at “Pizza Hut”!! Call now!

>"An all-that-you-can-eat buffet." replied Serena.

Kero:<Mina a la Whoopi Goldberg> It’s better than sex!

Sakura: Kero…

>The Sailor Scouts and Neprhtie facefaulted.

Syaoran: I know how they feel.

>"I pay." said a male voice. On the high gate outside, Darrien, still dress in his delivery uniform, was standing on a small >ledge outside Ellis's bedroom.. His face was look straight at Serena. He jumped into open in the window, making >Serena's heat beat like crazy.

Tomoyo:<Serena> Arghhhh! My Electric jacket has gone haywire!! Get the extinguisher!!! I’M ON FIRE!!!!

>"Darrien, why are you here?" asked Serena.

Kero:<Darien> It’s my job to appear mysteriously at convenient times. Don’t tell me you haven’t noticed.

>"Still delivery stuff. I delivery a something for Ellis early today and got on for her sister. I heard talking and tooked a
>small station on the roof, just in case of a Nephrite's trick and... I heard everything." replied Darrien. "So what was
>did you get that stick, Ellis?"

Sakura:<Ellis>I’m sorry. I didn’t understand the question.

Syaoran: She’s not alone.

>"You give it me." stated Ellis. "It was in a box that I got from a friend on Ebay." replied Ellis.
>
>"Now I heard of strange things from them, but that's takes the cake." replied Darrien.

Kero: Yeah. Well, welcome to the twenty first century.

>"I wonder what Trisha had to say about this?" asked Serena.
>
>A green hair woman appeared. She was in Sailor Scout uniform and she's smiling.

Syaoran: hikaru shidou’s tea strikes again!

>"I'm pleased." stated Trisha "And Janus isn't turning on his evil face."
>
>"Who's Janus?" ask Serena. "Mega-Man's last's robot masters' master?"

Tomoyo:<Raye>You’re thinking of Dr. Wily, Meatballs-For-Brains.

>"No. Janus is a Roman god of Time." replied Trisha.

Syaoran:<Malcolm MacDowell> Time… is the fire in which we all burn.

>"Why did you come here?" asked Darrien.
>
>"I come to check up on you today for Reeny's sake." replied Trisha.

Kero: Hey, where is the pink haired twerp?

Syaoran: Back at Deep 13 with four eyes, where else?

Kero: No, the other pink haired twerp.

Sakura: Hustling pool with the Amazon Quartet? How should I know?

>"That's a bright idea." replied Serena.
>
>"Who's Reeny?" ask Trisha.

Tomoyo: Suffering from sudden amnesia, are we, Trisha?

Sakura:<Trisha>Who are you? And… who am I?

>"Reeny is my and Darrien daughter form the furute. No lie." replied Serena.

Sakura:<Serena>Cross my heart and hope to die!

>"I like to know all about every in your forces." states Ellis.
>
>"Well, you already meet Trisha, Amy, Raye, Mina, and me, and of course, Darrien. They are Amarah and Michelle back, >who's know where those cousin are right now." replied Serena. "And Hotaru.. is with her pappa. You know all trouble >Is going high when she ages. "

Sakura: Why does Dr. T. keep picking on poor Hotaru?

Tomoyo:<Hotaru> Wahhhh!!! It’s not my fault!! I never wanted to be the root of all evil!!

>"Why?" asked Ellis.
>
>"She's the Sailor of Death and Drestution, Sailor Saturn. And she can drestory anything from a tree to the planet."
>replied Serena.

Sakura:<Hotaru> I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds.

>"That's what happen of Mau. That planet between Jutiper and Mars, what ever happen to it." replied Nephrite.
>
>"Eep!" Luna and Artemis jumped up and landed scared stiff on back of Lita and Amy. "Our home planet was drestory
>by Princess Hotaru, when she founded out she is Sailor Saturn. As a sorry note, Saturn give us to Queen Serenity."

Sakura: So, is Sailor Saturn good or evil? What’s the scoop, Dr. T?

>"Poor cats." remarked Ellis. All of the Scouts laugh at her remark.

Syaoran: Maybe there’s a leaking canister of Nitrous Oxide in the room or something.

>"I got to go." said Trisha. "I need do a check on the Time Gate, to see if any trouble come to close it."
>
>"I don't know if I should continue doing my web page." replied Ellis.
>
>"Why?" ask Serena.

Sakura:<Ellis> I’ve only gotten three hits in five months! You guys are sooooo out.

>"I was in change of 'Sailor Scouter', an e-zine of rumors and events that had follow the legend of the Sailor
>Scouts. Since I now your names, I might accidently type your true idenities. I know you like to keep
>your idenities sercet." replied Ellis.
>
>"You can make up names." replied Raye.

Sakura:<Raye> Why not? DIC already did it once!

Tomoyo:<Ellis> How about… Usagi, Ami, Rei, Makoto and Minako?

>"Hey, that's a good idea." replied Ellis
>
>####################THE END (For now.) ##################################

Syaoran: God help us.

>Ok! How many cliches can you find my story? I think I only used 2 cliches. If you don't know what the cliches are, they
>are "Sailor Earth" and "restoring a villian". Stara was guarding Nephrite's house, so they don't come close to
>him, so she's that way she was away from the rest of those Spectrons in Nega-Verse..

Tomoyo:<Madison Taylor> Whatever.

>Logging Off,
>Dr. Thinker
>The Worst Fan-Fiction Writer in the Web, But He Has A Good Sence of Humor and Humilty.
>
>P.S. Humitily means I can laugh at myself. That's the reason, I keep allow people keep on riffing those works of mines.

All: Awww…

Sakura: Let’s all give Dr. Thinker a hand for being such a good sport!

Syaoran: Let’s not and say we did.

>############THE REAL END (AND THAT'S THE TRUTH)############################

Tomoyo: You know, for a Thinkerfic, that wasn’t that bad.

Syaoran: Yeah. But Dr. T. has resurrected Nephrite at least twice already in “Judge Brainitite” and “Sailor Moon Meets Father Christmas”.

Kero: We can discuss the mind of Dr. Thinker later. Let’s get out of here.

“Say, Tomoyo…” Kero asked. “Why are fanfic authors always resurrecting Sailor Moon villains?”

Tomoyo was busy gathering up the last of the escaped plushies. “Well, in the whole Sailor Moon stage the inner senshi don’t change that much. All that happens is their attacks and transformations get more elaborate which means more footage that gets repeated over and over. So the villains, especially the generals, get more attention. That’s why so many Sailor Moon villains are redeemed instead of killed because after awhile we like them better than the sailors anyway.”

“Kind of like how some people cheer when Palla Palla squashes Tux-boy with a giant circus ball, right?”

“Exactly!” said Tomoyo as she picked up a squirming Sakura plushie. “The post-R villains were especially cool. The Witches 5, The Amazon Trio and Quartet. Don’t forget, in the manga, the Amazon Quartet turned out to be a bunch of misguided senshi and in the anime they became good guys too. Or so I’ve heard. ”

“Golly, gee! Thanks, Mr. Science!’ Kero said cheerfully.

Tomoyo giggled. “Anytime, Penrod.”

DEEP 13

“Well, you’ve all fared well so far…” Dr. Eriol said ominously. “But in the experiments to come, you won’t be so fortunate.”

“Whatever,” mumbled Ruby Moon.

“Just push the button, doofus,” said Eriol as he headed off to the holocabana.

“One of these days I’m going to give him such a pinch!” Ruby Moon grumbled as she headed to the control panel.

“Keep it down! I’m trying to sleep!” said Spinel Sun from his napping spot.

“Zip it, Suppi…” said Ruby Moon as she pressed the button.

THE REAL END OF SEASON ONE (And that’s the truth)

BUT THE MSTings WILL CONTINUE…

This art courtesy Tisha Smith aka Mitao16!

This cool art courtesy Tisha Smith aka Mitao16!

(Feel free to hum “Catch You, Catch Me” as the credits roll.)

Well, this brings the first season of CCST3K. By the way, there is a connection between Tomoyo Daidouji and Mariemeia Khushrenada. I’ll be amazed if any of you can figure out what it is. (Hint: Dubs) I’ll post the answer at the end of episode 11 for all who are interested in that kind of trivia.

I had to chop the battle scene from Dr. T’s flashback because this MSTing was running kinda long.

Okay, now I’m going to answer a few questions raised by you out there in readerland:

>WONDERFUL!!! That was hilarious! I absolutely LOVE the plushies! Write more, please!! Just one thing I've been >wondering, why does Sakura still call Syaoran Li-kun if they're supposed to be 16 in the fic? Just a thought. Keep up >the good work!

-Mako-Chan

I was surprised that no one caught on to this sooner. The truth is: I’m lazy. It’s faster and easier when writing riffs to use “Li-kun” instead of “Syaoran-kun”. I plan to fix this is season two… If I feel like it.

>Anywho, great MST as usual, had me rolling...as usual. Oh, and good point, when *is* Kit going to finish that fic? Darn, >and after dubbing her 'mad scientist of CCS fics'. So, just one question...um, excactly what button did the Tomoyo >plushie step on? Did I miss something or do we have to wait to find out?

-Serena B

Serena B knows I already answered this one. But, just in case any of the rest of you are confused, the button pushing is a holdover from the original MST3K. At the end of each show TV’s Frank would be told to “push the button” and end the show.

>there is no way that ruby moon can be superior to sailor moon. sailor moon stoppen galaxia, who is the orgin of all >evil. ruby moon didn't.

-fdas

True. But that statement was from Ruby Moon’s point of view. The implication is that she thinks she’s better than Sailor Moon. Although, whether or not Ruby Moon could take blondie could be the subject of another fanfic.

To all those who send me suggestions and fics: Thank You! I’m always interested in new material and I check out any leads I get.

Until next season.

-CardCaptor Schlueter (aka Syaoran-kun)

Season One:

1) The Brain From Planet Arous-A Ranma ½ Fic By Ryoucilo

2) The Mike Rhea Anthology-Ranma ½ Fics By Mike Rhea

(Loves Me, Loves Me Not/ Akane Gets Drained/ Konatsu’s First Kiss)

3) Neon Ranma Evangelion-A Ranma ½ /Evangelion Crossover By Khyron Kingkiller

4) Good Bye Sweet Li (Part 1)-A Card Captor Sakura (CardCaptors) Fic By Lady Yuy

5) Stolen-A Magic Knight Rayearth Fic By hikaru shidou

6) Good Bye Sweet Li (Part 2)-A Card Captor Sakura (CardCaptors) Fic By Lady Yuy

7) The True Power Of Love-A Card Captor Sakura Fic By poshul

8) Marco Polo-A Magic Knight Rayearth Fic By hikaru shidou

9) Madison’s Mystery Crush-A Card Captor Sakura (CardCaptors) Fic By Chocolat*

10) Is It Reality Or Just A Trick?-A Sailor Moon Fic By Dr. Thinker

>Ellis shouted. "EARTH PLANET POWER!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Mystery Science Theater 3000 and its related characters and situations

are trademarks of and (c) 2001 by Best Brains, Inc. All rights

reserved.

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